


Save The Boy

by borrowedphrases



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s), Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6867343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borrowedphrases/pseuds/borrowedphrases
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Ben leaves the First Order and is taken into Resistance custody, Poe pays his old friend a visit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save The Boy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Davechicken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/gifts).



> _Request 3:_  
>  Kylo Ren renounces the First Order. How does he find it, fitting back in with the 'Light'? How does Poe react? What are the challenges, and how can Poe help?
> 
> Sort of a beginning point toward Redemption.
> 
> [Tumblr](http://borrowedphrases.tumblr.com/) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/borrowedphrases)

The cell is dark, just the light from a single high window illuminating the near empty room. It's plain, but not uncomfortable. The Resistance doesn't torture their captives, not actively nor passively. The heavy door shuts tightly behind Poe as he enters, locking with a sharp hiss. The two guards outside gave him odd looks before he entered, but didn't question him otherwise. Technically no one but General Organa was to enter this room, but there was no way they were keeping him away.

The single other figure in the room sits on a cot, his back pressed into the corner of the room. Curled inward, hands in shackles, his knees drawn up against his chest, he looks nothing like the imposing figure he'd been shaped into, the symbol of the destructive force of the First Order. Dark Jedi, Knight of Ren, or whatever else garbage he'd been sold. Without his mask, without his mantle, he looks a lot like the boy that had left so many years ago, sent off to become a Jedi, the hopes of the Galaxy on his shoulders.

Not exactly like him, of course. There are more years on his face, more scars, more sorrow and pain at the corners of his eyes. His hair is longer, his cheeks leaner, but Poe can still see _Ben_ in his features. Still see his best friend. And that makes this so much harder.

Silence hangs between them, and Poe crosses his arms over his chest, never looking away from the man hunched up in the corner. He won't look directly at Poe, but he glances in his direction, keeps his eyes low, gaze fixed on Poe's feet. 

Poe summons all the good memories he can find in his mind, all the times spent together when they were younger. Running through the woods on Yavin IV, climbing the great tree in Poe's back yard, swimming in the lake, coming home covered in mud and rolling with laughter, getting scolded for being out too late. Lying in the sun-warmed grass and watching the stars come out, Ben's hand holding tight to his. Shy awkward kisses under the Millennium Falcon, not his first kiss, but the first kiss that mattered, the color of Ben's cheeks as his embarrassment painted them with splotches. That last time together, a Ben who looked heartbroken, coming to Poe and telling him he wasn't sure he was cut out to be a Jedi, a purple crystal pressed so firmly to Poe's palm it nearly broke skin. 

"Who talks first?" Ben's voice is hollow, sort of dry and cracked sounding. They haven't been denying him water, but Poe's almost positive he hasn't been drinking what they've offered him. 

Poe doesn't answer at first, just keeps looking at him. He's trying to keep his thoughts positive, keep his memories of _Ben_ , but it's hard, and he's no Jedi. Flashes of Kylo spill into the mix. The sound of his mechanical voice ordering civilians killed, the image of his outstretched gloved hand, the feeling of his mind ripping through Poe's.

"Do you know what I'm thinking?" Poe asks, though it's more a challenge than a question. He thinks he might know it if Ben were inside his head, seeing his thoughts, but he's not sure. He might not be able to feel it at all if Ben doesn't want him to.

Ben shakes his head, then slides back a bit, like he's trying to bury himself more completely in the corner of the room. His head eases back, until it's pressed back against the wall, and he looks right at Poe's eyes. "Probably, like everyone else right now, you're thinking about whether the Resistance should rethink its stance on execution." 

" _Ben_ , no-"

"I know I deserve it," he cuts Poe off before he can finish, his voice sounding more and more raw the further he continues. "That's why I turned myself over in the first place. There's blood and death all over my hands. I can feel it there, hot and thick, clotting, blackening. I can hear all their voices crying out for justice, for restitution."

Poe moves quickly, practically lunging forward and dropping to his knees in front of Ben. He has to physically stop himself from punching Ben just then, _that_ he deserves, a good swift punch, or a kick in the ass. Poe wants to _throttle_ him, but he doesn't want him _dead_.

He reaches out, ignoring the way Ben flinches just before Poe's hands cup his cheeks. Poe holds Ben's face in his hands, thumbs at his cheekbones, one tracing the long line of a lightsaber scar. Poe can't fathom how a person can look so young and so old at the same time, like he's both a scared little boy and a dying man at the end of his days. Poe doesn't want him to be either. All he wants, all he's wanted for so long now, is his Ben back.

"I don't want you dead," Poe says softly, his voice tight, as he brings their foreheads together. Ben doesn't resist the movement, and Poe chooses to take that as a good sign. "I thought I lost you once already, I'm not ready to lose you again."

Ben looks confused, his eyes squinting slightly, wavering from side to side like he's searching Poe's for answers. And then Poe feels it, like a tickle at the hairs on the back of his neck, sliding up up _up_ his spine and into his thoughts. He should resist, should protest, but Ben is being gentle, and Poe knows what he's searching for, knows it'll be easier if he just sees it there in Poe's mind, rather than Poe having to put it into words.

And just like that, he's gone from Poe's mind, withdrawing once he's found what he needed. 

"You didn't know?" Ben's breathing has increased slightly, Poe can feel him shaking slightly under his hands. "Poe, how did you... how did you not _know?_ "

"I thought you died during the massacre." Poe's vision has gone blurry, and he pulls back just far enough so that he can drag the back of one hand across his eyes. "Your family, your mother, let me believe that. I guess it was just easier than telling me what really happened, who you'd become.

"I had an inkling, when you were interrogating me, going through my head, the particular memories you shied away from when I brought them to mind," Poe shakes his head and looks away. "But I didn't know for certain until I saw them taking you here to your cell."

"Poe, I'm-"

"Don't tell me that it's better this way," Poe snaps, eyes flashing anger at Ben, voice strained with unshed tears, with all the tears he let fall when he mourned Ben, years ago now, though he mourned him every day. Every single day. He never truly stopped mourning him. "That it was good that I didn't know."

"No," Ben drags in a shaky breath, wincing and looking away. Poe wonders if he's more injured than he let on, if his ribs are cracked, or worse. He wouldn't let the medics look at him earlier, but maybe Poe should force the issue now.

"No, I don't think that." Ben licks his lips, chapped and dry. "It would have been better had you known what I'd done, because then you could have hated me instead."

Poe moves quickly, leaning forward and cupping Ben's face in his hands again. Before he can think about it, his lips are against Ben's, firm and steady. It's just like their first kiss, when Ben's eyes go wide and then close, body trembling against Poe in what Poe hopes is a good way. It's nothing like their first kiss, Ben's lips are chapped and cold, his face thin, his shackles rattling when he lifts his hands to clutch at Poe's shirt.

When Poe pulls back, Ben is crying. Oh, he's not shaking with sobs or weeping uncontrollably, he's not rolling in melancholy or regret, far as Poe can tell. But there are tears wavering in his eyes, and a steady roll of them down his cheeks. Ben looks both like the little boy that sprained his ankle jumping out of the Force tree, and like a man who's overseen the deaths of countless numbers. He's both a scared little boy and a monster, and Poe never stopped loving him.

"I'm going to send the medics in here, and you're going to let them have a look at you. I won't have you bleeding to death internally just because you don't think you deserve to live." Poe ignores Ben's look of protest as he stands, his knees cracking as he rights his posture again.

"Then you're going to eat, and drink, and gets some rest," Poe gives him a look like he used to give him when they were kids and Ben didn't want to stay in bed despite a high fever. "When that's all settled and taken care of, we're going to have a long talk about where to go from here. Just you and me."

Ben has his head bowed, most of his face hidden by his hair. Poe can still barely believe, especially looking at him now, that he was Kylo Ren. That he stood so tall and proud and menacing. He almost reaches for him again, almost cups his cheek, but stops himself, remembering how Ben flinched when he did that.

The door shuts behind him as he leaves, the hiss of the lock sounding as the guards positioned outside the door give Poe a salute. Poe keeps his back straight as he moves down the hallway, keeps his posture rigid and formal until he turns a corner, until he's out of sight.

His back hits the wall with a dull thud, feeling like it vibrates through every bone in his body. He gazes up at the ceiling, and tries to breathe evenly, even as he slides down the wall and curls his knees up against his chest. He can still taste Ben's lips on his own, and it's so different now, Ben's kiss felt so different, but the taste is exactly like he remembers. 

Poe's not going to lose him, not again.

He's just not certain he can really save him either.


End file.
